The First Month
What's normal during your child's first few weeks of grappling, what to watch for, and when to relax.
The Adjustment Period Is Real
The first class usually goes well. Kids are excited, everything is new, and the novelty carries them through. It's the next few weeks that are harder to navigate, both for your child and for you.
Somewhere around class two through six, the novelty wears off. Your child might not want to go. They might say it's boring, or too hard, or that they don't like their training partner. They might cry during a round, shut down after losing, or tell you in the car that they never want to go back.
This is normal. It happens to most kids. It's not a sign that the program isn't working or that your child isn't cut out for grappling.
What's actually happening is that the easy part is over. Your child is now in the part where they have to show up, try hard, lose a lot, and keep going anyway. That's uncomfortable. It's supposed to be. And it's where the development starts.
Common Things Parents Notice (and Worry About)
"My kid seems worse than everyone else"
Every new student starts behind. The kids who have been training for months have comfort, familiarity, and friends in the room. Your child has none of that yet. Comparing your child to kids who have a head start is natural but misleading. Watch for whether your child is trying, not whether they're winning.
"They're just playing games. When do they learn real jiu jitsu?"
This is the most common misconception from parents who are new to our approach. The games are the jiu jitsu. Every game has a specific grappling concept embedded in it: how to control from top, how to escape from bottom, how to use your legs to create distance. The learning is happening through the play. If you'd like to understand the reasoning, How We Teach covers this in detail.
"Is it normal that they cried?"
Yes. Getting pinned, losing a game, feeling frustrated when something doesn't work: these are big feelings for kids. Some kids cry. Some get angry. Some shut down for a round and then bounce back. All of this is within the range of normal, especially in the first month.
Our coaches are trained to handle it. They'll check in, offer a water break or a lap, and give your child space to come back when they're ready. If a child's emotional response needs more attention, we'll talk to you about it directly.
"My kid loved the first class but doesn't want to go back"
The first class is exciting because everything is new. The second and third class are harder because the novelty is gone and the work is real. A child who resists going but is fine once they're there is in a normal adjustment phase, not at a genuine exit point.
Give it at least a month of consistent attendance before drawing conclusions. Most kids who push through the early resistance end up loving it. The ones who find their people and start to feel competent in the room are the ones who asked not to go on the drive over.
"My son has been taking classes for 8 months and loves it. My family could not be happier with our overall experience." (Jeff Anderson, parent)
"How long until I know if this is working?"
Give it a month of regular attendance (two to three classes per week). By that point, you should see at least some of the following:
- Your child knows the routine and can walk in without needing you to guide them
- They have at least one training partner they're comfortable with
- They can lose a round without falling apart (or they fall apart less dramatically than they did in week one)
- They talk about something they did in class, not just whether they won or lost
If you're seeing movement in that direction, things are working. If after a month of consistent attendance your child is still genuinely miserable every time, that's worth a conversation with the head coach. Call the gym and we'll talk it through.
What You Can Do
Keep bringing them. Consistency matters more than enthusiasm in the first month. A child who comes twice a week for four weeks will feel more at home than a child who comes sporadically over two months.
Ask the right questions. After class, ask "what games did you play?" or "did you have fun?" Not "did you win?" or "how did you do?" The questions you ask shape what your child thinks matters. See Your Role at the Gym for more on this.
Don't coach from the car. Resist the urge to debrief the class, correct what they did wrong, or push them to try harder next time. Let the class be theirs. If you want to talk about it, match their energy. If they're excited, be excited with them. If they're quiet, let them be quiet.
Trust the process. The first month feels long when you're in it. But four weeks from now, your child will know the routine, know some names, and have a sense of whether grappling is their thing. Let that happen at their pace.
When to Call the Gym
If your child is consistently distressed (not just reluctant but genuinely upset before, during, and after class for multiple weeks), call the gym and talk to the head coach. There's always an answer, whether it's a class time change, a training partner adjustment, or just context about what's happening in the room that you can't see from the sideline.
We'd rather hear from you early than find out later that something was off for weeks.
Related Pages
- Your Child's First Class: the pre-class checklist and what to expect on day one
- It's Just a Game: why keeping grappling fun matters, and why sideline coaching hurts more than it helps
- Your Role at the Gym: what to do (and not do) during and after class
- Working with Us: how to bring questions and concerns to the right person